Tia

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Jul. 17th, 2005

09:52 pm

Ooopps, posted here instead of pregnancy community.

Thanks for letting me know.

Current Mood: embarrassed

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Dec. 30th, 2004

Dec. 25th, 2004

Sep. 12th, 2004

01:34 pm

So perhaps now is the time to restart this journal, I feel so bad that I still read and respond to some other journals, but never seem to add anything here about my life.

The reason is probably that the last 6 months has been pretty hard emotionally, so its felt like anytime I wanted to post it would be complaining or venting rather than the happy things that should be happening in our lives.

Trying to conceive our first child has been fairly all consuming, not stressing on what happens each month, but more on getting access to very necessary treatment we need to overcome our infertility issues.

But now we are perhaps finally at the stage where something is going to happen.. I'm hoping to hear from a new clinic any day, and promise I will update when we know anything.

This is my first post in 9 months, I can't believe its been so long, particularly since I do read through my friends pages most weeks, often a few times a week too.

I'm going to try to be a better livejournal user from now on. ;o)

Current Mood: cheerful

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Jan. 4th, 2004

05:10 pm - Niclas and I have a guardian angel!!

Niclas and I have a guardian angel!!

On the way back from the airport yesterday morning the car went off the road, and straight into a metal electrical cable post.
I admit to being tired, and I swerved slightly, onto the compacted icy snow on the edge of the road, and then onto snow that was about 12 inches deep, travelling at least 70 km/hr.
I tried to straighten up and applied the brakes, but next thing I saw was this metal post right in front of me, then blackness, and the airbags deploying.

The next thing we knew we were both alert and okay, the car stank of electrical burning and my wrist hurt from the airbag powder. We quickly got out of the car, and I just sobbed in Nic's arms, apparently I just kept apologising, and refused to tell him if I was actually okay or not. All the 'what ifs' just went through my mind.

Other drivers stopped immediately, including a Dr, and they got us to someone else's car to sit, where it soon became evident that my neck hurt like hell.
My car, a 1 year old Peugeot 307 was completely trashed, we hit the pole head on, and the engine was less than 1/3 of its previous size, but the car took the impact, neither of us had injuries from the dashboard, obviously the cars safety awards really do mean something. For some reason the back hatchback shattered too, we aren't sure if the pole hit that on its way over the car. To see the state of the car it really is a miracle that we walked away from this.

Well actually I didn't get to walk away, I was airlifted in the helicopter back down to Uppsala, complete with spinal board and full immobilisation. My RSD leg and earlier back problems made them extra cautious with me, and they did a CT scan that came out normal.
Nic unfortunately went in the other direction in an ambulance to Gävle to get his all clear, so we were over 100 km apart during all of this. He chose to go there because it was closer to home for his mom to come to collect us, and of course the car was sent to the nearer town.
The accident happened about 40 km south of Gävle on the E4, on our way back to Söderham from Västerås airport, so all of you in the area.. Look out for us making the local news. We stopped the traffic for a while, 2 fire trucks, two ambulances and of course the helicopter got in the way of normal traffic flow.

His mom immediately drove down, and she collected all our things from the car, amazingly none of our property was damaged either, 4 bags and a large box and all of it perfectly intact.
This was the second (and last ) time I have driven back after this 06.40 flight from England; I did it once with my niece in the summer. This time I slept for 5 hours before we left my sisters in England, and I slept the whole of the flight time.
Part of the problem may have been the cold, we returned to my car at -16 Celsius, and despite a great heating system there was still ice inside the windows after well over an hour. I had the heating fairly high, never a good option for remaining completely alert, and of course swerving onto compacted snow proved an added hazard. The fire crews felt the metal pole was very well placed to stop us, without that the car almost certainly would have flipped over, and who knows how serious injuries would have been then.

We both got the all clear to leave hospital around 16.30 and then I had to wait for Nic and his mom to get to me. It was a very hard hour or so, at that point I just wanted to be with him, and to get home.

I am so very thankful for whatever it was that kept us alive and uninjured, if you saw the car you would understand the amazing fact that we are okay. Fair enough my neck hurts, but I had an old injury from 4 years ago, and the pain is identical. I have no bruising, and Nic just has a small bruise on his stomach from the poorly placed seatbelt since he had been sleeping. He jokes that I could have just nudged him awake; perhaps my method was a little extreme. lol

We do both ache today, and our previous post England stay plans for a few days rest may be extended now, we both need it very much. We are both truly thankful to be here, to be able treasure every precious moment we have together. Something like this truly puts everything into perspective.

Whatever magic bought us together 2½ years ago is obviously still at work to keep the two of us together for a very long time.

Current Mood: numb

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Dec. 7th, 2003

Sep. 9th, 2003

09:50 am - CATS

hi guys.. I need some advice.

We live about 400 km North of Stockholm in a small town, and I want to go and see CATS, the musical, sometime in November depending on the venue.

Which venue do people think would be better.. the Stockholm Globe or the Scandinavium at Göteborg?
Does anyone have experience of these places? As some of you know I have major mobility problems so need to know that facilities will be okay for me too.

I haven't even asked NIc yet.. lol

I'm thinking we could tie this in with a few days in which ever city we go to, I guess that makes Stockholm perhaps the better choice really, since we've never been there. This could make a great early Christmas present, especially since I think we would have to go for the 560 sek tickets.. about £40 each. And I would get to do some great pressie shopping if Nic would agree.

Perhaps there would even be an Amerikanska get together at the same time too, that would be incredible timing.

Thanks for any advice or suggestions guys.. just goes to show how suggestive TV advertisements can be.

Current Mood: optimistic

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Aug. 30th, 2003

01:09 pm - Laproscopy news

Thank you everyone for you kind thoughts about my Laproscopy and HSG... sorry I haven't posted before now, I've been a bit sore to say the least.

The news is confusing, some good and some bad...

The good news is that my tubes and uterus are perfect, the dye went through quickly with no problems at all.
There is no sign of any adhesions (scar tissue from surgery in 89) and no signs of
endometriosis.

The bad news is still confusing the hell out of me.
He said he could see no signs that I actually ovulate!
Weird since I should of ovulated that day, he said he saw no follicle or so sign that I had
ovulated recently.

He is sending me to see what I think in the US is a reproductive endocrinologist, hopefully to be seen next week. (sometimes Swedish healthcare can be very good )

He thinks I need to have ultrasounds done at ovulation time and blood tests to check hormone levels, and that it could be remedied with medications, possibly injections.

I am very confused, I have 8 months of charting suggesting that I always ovulate. What also adds to the confusion now is that my temps are up, suggesting that I did ovulate on Thursday, surely he should of seen something, even if it was that the egg stayed put in the ovary?

I have so many questions now, but have to wait to see this other guy. I am kind of hoping and praying this guy was wrong and missed the follicle, and that I have my three months post Hsg time where conception is more likely. I think I have 5 friends at fertility friend who conceived recently, the same month they had the Hsg done, the dye helps clear any debris from the tubes, helping the egg and sperm meet.

We will wait til Wednesday and then call if we don't hear before then.
It all seems so illogical to me, and we are obviously devastated.

The more reading I do, the more I think drugs will help.
Nic is quite pleased at the prospect of injecting me... pay back for all those plucked
eyebrows.

I just have to be patient now and wait to see what the other doctor says and to get a
clearer understanding of what this doctor saw.

Thank you all so much for caring, It means a lot to me.

Tia

Current Mood: confused

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Aug. 28th, 2003

Aug. 27th, 2003

10:42 am - Medical thought for tomorrow.

wish me luck everyone, we just got a call to have my Laproscopy and Hsg tomorrow morning... yikes!

(kind of posted to making babies too, but with some editing, sorry if duplicate reading for some)

I said we'd go for a cancellation but now I'm just a teensy bit worried about it.

This week has been a very hard TTC (trying to conceive for those who didn't understand ttc) one, I'm not sure why, but I've had lots of uncontrolled tears for no real reason.
Perhaps because my niece stayed here for two weeks and she is everything that I want.. even tho she is almost 7 now.
I've watched Bronya grow over the years, and she is exactly the kind of daughter we would love. Her personality, her love, just everything about her really. (give or take those normal childhood frustrating times of course.. lol)

And of course I spent some time with my sister's other children when I collected and returned her... some very cute reminders that we should have one of those babies too.

Nic also did his test on Monday morning too, the results from that could take 10 days, so obviously now we are closer to some answers, some reasons for why we don't have a baby of our own yet.

I am scared too that they will say everything is okay and we have 'unexplained infertility'.
In reality I am about 95% certain the problem lies with my body, I have a history of ovarian pain over the last 5 years, and had a laporotomy back in 1989 so have a 5 inch scar down my abdomen, with internal wounds too. Incidentally on the same side as my ovary pain.
I'm hoping they find and sort out any adhesions and there is nothing any more complicated than that. At 35 years old we need some quick answers now.

Although we have known about this for months and the possibility of tomorrow as a date, we never really checked about transport to the hospital 40 minutes away from here.
We figured out yesterday that Nic's mum is away until tomorrow night but kind of expected them not to have a cancellation for us. How wrong we were!
Turns out we have to be there at 07.30 tomorrow and since Nic cannot drive because of the epilepsy, we have to book a taxi. Only once he wakes will he book it and find out the cost.
I am sure because it is hospital transport it doesn't cost very much, the nurse gave us a phone number to direct the taxi people too if there was a problem booking it.

Does anyone here know how it works.. how much it would cost etc? The only problem is knowing we have to be there so early... but at least I will get to sleep again later on. lol

I'll post as soon as I know more, but please keep me in your thoughts tomorrow. Lets hope for good news.

Current Mood: scared

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Aug. 18th, 2003

10:21 am - more 'me' update

I had a yucky dentist trip on Friday morning..

as some of you know I had my two front teeth sorted out over the last few months. The right crown had to be replaced with an implant and I decided at almost the last appointment to have the other one re crowned, just for cosmetic reasons really.

The implant is perfect, but I have had problems with the gum around the crown ever since it was done about 8 weeks ago. I've tried having it polished and using anti bacterial tooth gel, but it still bleeds and the tooth hurts.
By coincidence a filly on the back of one of my front bottom teeth broke again so I decided to discuss both with the dentist, this is where the news gets bad.

The dentist isn't happy with the position of my bottom teeth, the back ones lean inward sand it means my front bottom teeth meet the top ones first.
Add that to chronic pain which inevitably means I clench my jaw, has lead to fractures on these bottom front teeth.

Ideally she would like me to get the teeth straightened, but here is no way I could afford expensive orthodontics. When I was 12 they decided just to leave the bottom teeth to straighten themselves since they weren't so bad as the top ones. It did work perfectly okay in my opinion, but yes I now realise that they do lean in a lot. I'm 35.. how can I go through orthodontic stuff again.. :o(

For now she is making me a gum shield, to prevent the teeth knocking together during the night. I don't think I majorly grind my teeth, I certainly don't have any jaw pain or headaches which are typical of grinding. But I do find myself sitting with quite a tense jaw when the pain is bad or if I am concentrating on something that causes more pain. Like sitting and doing dishes etc.

For now it is going to cost me 2800 sek for these shield, but they are going to hold off with giving me the actual bill.
I have to apply to Försäkringskassan for financial help towards my dental treatment. We tried a few months ago because I have problems with a dry mouth, but a saliva test came back at low end of normal so I wasn't eligible.

This time however she is very confident it will work, she has written saying that my teeth are fracturing because my chronic pain causes unavoidable tension.
I have to get my own doctor to complete a form too, but luckily he is very good and I am sure he will support me with this. Unfortunately he is away for a week so I have to wait to get the form completed.
If this goes through each appointment will only cost me 100 sek.. keep your fingers crossed that this works for me this time. So far with the implant work I have spent more than 15000 sek, I really can't be spending much more money.

I have another query, does anyone know about organisations that can help with advice about claiming support from Försäkringskassan?

I am so sick of fighting for things I should be eligible for without knowing all the laws involved. I am having repeated problems claiming for Bilsöd, the money for disabled people to enable them to finance their own car. The stupid people think I can live my life around a painful once an hour bus that I cannot even step onto without help and more pain... despite not being able to walk more than 50 metres without more pain these ridiculous people think I do not need a car. I guess they expect me to remain housebound.... arrgghhhh

Current Mood: frustrated

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09:43 am - so much for daily updates

well it hasn't worked as well as I'd planned, I guess too much chatting to my sister at the end of each day.
we've been updating there and I've been so tired, too tired to think about writing something that sounded sensible... lol

Needless to say we have been having a great time, lots of things to do.. a couple of days at the beach, seeing friends and Saturday we went to www.jarvzoo.se/
About 10 miles north of here, well worth the drive.

For any of you who live close enough it is well worth the trip out there. They have a 3km long walkway taking you through woods and animal enclosures. Its also just Scandinavian animals too, apparently others are not eligible.
We saw bears, deer, moose, owls and of course a petting area with baby goats, calves a rabbits. Bronya loved every minute, this turned into her favourite day of her whole time here.
There are also frequent rest areas with picnic areas, WC's and houses with proper fires in for BBQ etc. If we'd planned a little better we would of taken a picnic, but it was kind of a spur of the moment trip.. a wonderful day out!
We spent just over 3 hours there, walking at my pace with plenty of stops and taking lots of pictures. The adult ticket cost 110 sek (about £8), children were 65 I think, but up to 7 years old they get in for free. This is definitely somewhere to do every year when she visits.

We're not sure what we are up to today, perhaps seeing some friends, or just sorting out things around here ready for going home tomorrow.
We don't leave until about 4 tomorrow, but we seem to have toys all over the apartment, and I want to be a kind sister and iron all the Bronya clothes before I take them home. I know my sister hates ironing, probably just as much as I do, but I need to iron some of my things too I guess.

I still have to take home my large suitcase, I have shopping to bring back from my shopping trip last time.. and thanks to some ebay hard work.
Sometimes its good to be able to buy the more familiar things again, and some luxuries like a new cozy dressing gown from M&S for those who know who they are.

Must be time for breakfast now, I'll try and update again later on, or tomorrow sometime.
Bye for now all.

Current Mood: awake

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Aug. 7th, 2003

10:59 am - Monday, belated update...

Despite being totally shattered on Monday we had to go out in the evening.. we had tickets for the Circus at 7pm.

As soon as I saw the notices a few weeks ago I knew we would have to go, and it was definitely worth it.
If anyone reading this has the opportunity, the Skott circus that is touring Sweden until November. (www.bordett.com) then go for it, it really is amazing.

The tickets weren't cheap, but if we got a family ticket from Coop it worked out at 449 sek (around £30 for my English readers), saving over 200 for tickets for 2 adults and 2 children. With just taking one child it still saved us over 70 sek.
However I soon thought of another child we could take, Naomi's almost 4 year old Hanna. (Naomi and Micke from Amerikanska who live less than a km away from us)

We decided to go round before the circus to let the girls meet each other and make sure we knew Hanna would be okay coming without her parents.
Unfortunately I needed a sleep in the afternoon, and said to Nic at 3 o'clock, 'wake me in an hour'. Of course I should of said wake me at 4pm, because he decided to leave me sleeping til 4.25, leaving just 35 minutes for us all to get washed and dressed and around to Naomi's house. Needless to say we turned up about 20 minutes late.
The girls hit it off instantly, they played in the bedroom while we sat and had fika (tea/coffee and cakes etc). All of a sudden the heavens opened and we had thunder and lightening, thank goodness the walk back to the car wasn't too far, and we got to borrow umbrellas from Naomi.
We left their apartment at about 6, the circus started at 7 and we wanted good seats. The drive into the place was really easy since no one else was there yet so we got a good parking place... BUT then a disaster!
We get out of the car and I reach for the tickets.... what tickets? I didn't have them! They were at home! All that rushing around meant I'd left them by the telephone table, despite saying to Nic that I'd better not forget them.

I had to leave Nic with the girls, under a large umbrella keeping my parking space, while I drove back home. Luckily the rain had mostly stopped.
I don't think I have ever driven so fast in town, I kept it safe of course, but definitely went over the speed limit and did a bit of overtaking.
Once I got back there was huge queue going back front eh roundabout, I knew if I waited I'd be there for a least 10 minutes so I decided to be cheeky. I drove up the inside lane as though I was going to go straight on, and then did a quick right indicate at the roundabout, ready to tell people that I had just made a mistake... lol In total it took me 12 minutes to get back, quite a long time for Nic with two small girls and some rain falling, luckily the girls were very well behaved, real stars!

Once in the circus we were directed to walk up outside steps to get into the seats, I explained to the man I would have a lot of difficulty because of my leg and they let us enter at the ring side entrance. However once we got in they just wanted us to walk up more steps to the very top of the seating, which incidentally was metal benches with bars across the back as the only support.
Of course seeing this I was horrified, I knew I would never be able to sit on these seats for even a few minutes, especially not for almost 2 hours, it would be agonising for me.
Nic went outside to speak to the circus ring master I think, and whatever he said must of been good, we were allowed to sit in the premium ringside seats, even tho we had the cheap tickets. I checked afterwards, and it would of cost 1040 sek rather than the full cost of 672 for the regular seats had I not go the promotional family taken. It was a very good deal in the end, we were all very happy about it. We got comfortable padded seats and of course were very close so could see everything.

The performance was fantastic, the girls giggled so much and clapped so hard, its amazing their poor hands weren't worn out. They absolutely loved it. At the end of the break we chose to go and get candy floss, Bronya had never had it before and was very curious. We had decided not to go and queue sooner since I think 2/3 of the people had joined the queues. We missed a few minutes of the second half of the show, unfortunately when there were horses for the only time. we decided not to mention it to Bronya, I think she would of been disappointed.

After we dropped Hanna off at home we decided to go to McDonalds for some dinner. Unfortunately the happy meal toy that Bronya should get was a Swedish CD ROM, every other time we have been there I have seen great toys that she would of loved. Luckily Nic asked them for an alternative gift, and she ended up with a Hotwheeels toy instead, a much better one for her.

We didn't get home until almost 10.30, needless to say a certain little girl was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.
And so was I.

Tuesday was a quiet day at home, playing PS2, watching DVDs and drawing for Bronya. It was nice just to relax a little.
I think that will be our best way of coping with this trip, one busy day, followed by one restful day.

After dinner we Bronya and I decided to have a bath together. I think we spent over an hour in there, with lots of giggling and lots of girlie chatting. It was lot of fun. Nic came to do some videoing, but has strict instructions he could only film when I had plenty of bubbles to cover my boobies... there was no way I was going to have my body exposed for anyone to see. I wouldn't of mined her mummy or brothers seeing, but I think I draw the line at her daddy seeing my nakid bits.

She didn't get into bed until just after 9 that night either, but again instant sleep once we left the room. I think the time in the bath on top of still being tired from the trip, really helped with this instant sleep... Unfortunately it didn't work for Wednesday night, but I'll update about that a little later.
Thursday is our restful day again... phew.

Current Mood: busy

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Aug. 6th, 2003

10:57 am - Fun days..

and lots of sleep required!!

So much for mailing every day.. lol

It was a chaotic few days when I went to England to collect my niece. I arrived around 2am on Friday but had tea and a chat until about 3am, but still got up at about 8 when the children woke up.
We had lots of packing to sort out that day because we knew we were going shopping the next day. Thankfully the children stayed with their daddy so it was just me and my sister. We spent lots of money and I found lots to fill my empty suitcase when I take Bronya home again.

I intended to get a good 4 to 5 hours sleep before we had to leave their house at 2am on Sunday morning, but I think I got just under 3 in the end.
Once we woke my niece she soon very very excited, luckily she had been asleep since about 8. We had a 2 hour drive before we got to the airport and we chatted all the way... talking about everything from boys, school, airplanes of course... and I had to explain fully how Nic and I fell in love even tho we had never met each other.

Everything went so smoothly at the airport, we checked in first without having to wait in a queue, arriving when they suggest at 2 hours before the flight time is a very good idea.
I'd had a hire car for the time in England and when I went to fill the fuel tank I found that I couldn't open it. Rather than a regular key thing the VW Golf has a button to press on the drivers door. Fancy linking something as important as the fuel cap to the car's electronics!!
Well I couldn't get it to open at all so I had to phone the hire company who then put me through to VW breakdown service. The guy quickly established it was obviously faulty but I was concerned about the £50 charge for returning the car without a full tank. He had a record that I'd phoned so said they couldn't charge me, and he wouldn't come to fix it because I still had half a tank and only a mile or so to drive.
I figured that when I returned the car they would just charge me for the half tank I had used, about £25 I think, but the nice man at the airport just told me they would sort it sort. What a nice man!
I had problems arranging a car hire that would be open for a late collection time, now I have to highly recommend Europcar, they open 24 hrs and have someone there to speak to all that time to. I just called the guy and he came down to chat to me about this problem, at 04.30.
I will definitely go with them again.


Back to Bronya...

she loved every second of the flight, everything from her lollypop for take off ear problems, breakfast onboard and of course being able to look out of the window at everything.
It was her first flight and she had no concerns, she was just excited.
Good old Ryanair got us here 20 minutes early which was wonderful, but after check in we of course had the 3 ½ hour drive up to Söderhamn.

Finally my sleep deprived niece had to sleep, unfortunately in a very hot and sticky car. The air conditioning soon gets a little too cold, especially for my foot. (With the RSDextreme temperatures cause much more pain, so I have to be very careful)

I had planned that we would go to McDonalds on the way back but Bronya kept saying she wasn't very hungry. I just figured it was because it was so hot. We stopped a couple of times for bathroom and ice cream breaks and finally decided to just go to McDonalds once we got home. I called Nic and he got his mom to drive him round to meet us there.

Well on the way through the door Bronya appeared to cough and some of her blackcurrant flavoured ice lolly appeared. I wasn't worried and continued to the bathroom for her where she promptly returned the entire ice lolly to the floor!!
I am sure it was the heat and lack of sleep because she looked absolutely fine. We cleaned up a little and then had to find Nic and break the bad news.

My darling niece is very sweet about things in life, very matter-of -fact about things. For example, ending a game doesn't matter because 'it is just a game, it doesn't matter'.
After her sickness incident she didn't want any food...'but we could still have ours, and she would just sit and wait for us' She is sooooo sweet.
Of course we didn't stay, we decided to go home and get something there instead.

She was okay once we got back and refused the offer for sleep, once she changed clothes and cleaned up she was perfectly okay. Children can be so quick in recovering from things that would bother grown ups bigtime.
She soon explored the apartment and got settled to play some PS2 games that Nic has.

Unfortunately I just had to sleep for a while, and Nic nodded off too... great carers aren't we... lol
However Bronya was quite happy, she played games and explored some more. She knew just what we had in the fridge and the cupboards by the time I woke again.
She was still feeling good so had something light to eat, toast and her recent favourite, boiled egg.

We got her ready for bed about 8.30 I think, remembering that was an hour ahead of her time. She got to use her new electric Barbie princesses toothbrush which she liked very much, and was soon in to bed.

Once her head hit the pillow, her thumb popped in for a suck, and she fell asleep almost immediately. I guessed that would happen, I know I needed to do that too... we'd had a very long and very exciting day.

enough for this update... more to come later, perhaps I can soon get caught up to date. But I guess that depends on me being able to keep using my computer rather than a certain little person. We are going to have a quick check for her mummy on MSN tho...

Bye for now.

Current Mood: cheerful

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Jul. 29th, 2003

11:40 am - Everyday posts perhaps...

Hopefully this is the start of almost 3 weeks of almost daily posts.
On Thursday I travel to England to collect my almost 7 year old niece Bronya.
She is coming to stay here for just over 2 weeks and its going to be very exciting for us all. When she was almost 4 she first spent some of her summer with me when I still lived in England. We had lots of fun and I think it was nice for her to do something special away from her younger brothers.
The follow year we had to do it again as she decided it was going to be an every summer thing. We never banked on my moving to Sweden tho.

Last year there just wasn't time to plan things, I only moved in June and had much settling in to do, but we said then that she would certainly be coming this year.
Arranging to get her here has been a lot of organising, I decided I would go alone to save some of the costs. I will arrive on Thursday evening and then we live England on a 06.30 flight on Sunday.
(good old Ryanair rescheduling to add a second daily flight.... grrrr)

She did agree to this tho, even tho it means leaving her house at around 02.30, I'm hoping she will do much sleeping in the car and at the airport perhaps. We will be armed with a blanket and pillow just in case.
Then we have a 2 hour wait at Stansted and a 2 hour flight before another 3 ½ hour long car journey when I imagine she might need to sleep again.

But I wonder if she will sleep... this is her first ever flight, her first trip to Sweden and of course the crazy flight time. Only time will tell.
I'm going to be armed with the camera so we can keep a record of all this exciting stuff.

So far we have made lots of plans and will have to keep mummy and her brothers and sister updated of what's happened, probably using MSN and the web cam a lot too.

Our first trip is to the circus on Monday night, I spotted the posters last week and I'm going to buy tickets tomorrow.
There is a very special deal to get a family ticket for two adults and two children, making it cheaper even tho there was only one child. However I figured I could ask my dear friend Naomi, another love immigrant who lives in town, if we could take her almost 4 year old daughter too. Strangely enough they agreed that Hanna would probably enjoy it too, someone for company for Bronya, and a fun for her too. I can't wait, apparently this circus is very good.
www.bronett.com

Last night we also made other provisional plans.
A very old friend of Nic's, a fishing pal from their teen years, had told us about a fishing lake to check out about 10kms from home.
We planned a quick visit for coffee afterwards but ended up staying for dinner. It was wonderful to meet his family and they spoke very good English too which was nice for me. They had seen us a few weeks earlier at a monster truck event from across the arena, something I had recorded and had on the camcorder that I had brought along to film at the lake.
Their two boys loved watching the video and then went on to see some of the pictures also stored there...
The upshot is that the 8 year old Denis could be a 'little bit in love' with Bronya, his eyes almost popped out of his head when he saw a few of her pictures. (cute huh!)

So now he wants to meet her, so long as his pappa helps him practice some more English so he can speak to her. I have pictures of him to show Bronya too, but I think she will like him, he's very cute and very friendly too.
Before we left we made plans that we would all go out somewhere while she is here, a proper kiddie day out. Perhaps some true love could blossom here.... hehe

I'm going to have to e-mail my sister now to make sure she reads all this, I was going to tell her last night but I got home too late to chat.
And I think she has perhaps given up on my writing here these days. I guess she will have to keep checking while I have her firstborn in my care.


Time to go for now, need to start some laundry and housework ready for out guest.
Byeee for now, it won't be so long before I post again, I promise.

Current Mood: cheerful

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Jul. 10th, 2003

06:51 pm - inkblot test from my friends.

well I had to do this one, it was quite long tho..
Nice result I think....


Teresa, your unconscious mind is driven most by Kindness

This means you have a deep desire to be kind and fair to others. You may even be preoccupied with finding kindness in the world around you, far more than you realize on a conscious level.

It is possible that the underlying reason you seek kindness in the world around you, is that you fear cruelty, the opposite of kindness. That could drive you to unconsciously project kindness wherever possible into your world. Regardless of its origin, your steadfast adherence to being kind to others is felt by people you are close to.

You are probably more susceptible than others to being overwhelmed by emotions — both yours and others'. It is possible that your unusually empathic nature is a result of your natural sensitivity to others' pain, and your desire to help them avoid it. For this reason, things might affect you more than they affect your friends and family. To protect yourself from too much emotional intensity, you might want to keep an eye out so you can recognize it when it starts. That will allow you to slow things down until you feel grounded again.

Overall, your strong orientation towards kindness gives you an optimistic nature, which translates into you seeing the best in the people around you. Because you're not one to be overly judgmental, others may seek out your company when they need a friend to talk to. People close to you likely know that you care deeply about the inner lives of others and can listen to what they have to say without imposing your views on them.

Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Kindness, there is much more to who you are at your core.


A very accurate result, this is me to a tee.

Current Mood: curious

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Jun. 24th, 2003

01:17 pm - summer time

where did my sunshine go to??

I've had a couple of days relaxing in my new reclining chair on the terrace, but today the clouds are back.
Nic got me this chair for my birthday and it is so comfortable, I could even be tempted to use in indoors its so good. I really should try to work out posting pic's here..

I'm considering creating a web page for photos and life stuff, but I'm not really sure where to begin.
So far all I know is that I don't want to use Yahoo... I hate the pop ups all the time. Any suggestions for a good basic place to try.
I need easy peasy stuff too, cos I'm very new with it all. I'd appreciate some advice from you old timers out there if its possible.
Thanks bigtime for any suggestions you can give me.

Gotta go now, I need to do some stupid letter for benefits... too complicated to go into now, but lets just say I hate the Swedish system almost as much as the English. Why they all have to take the starting point that I would lie about how this chronic pain and RSD affect my daily life is beyond me. Its so frustrating, I'll probably tell more later.

Current Mood: busy

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Jun. 20th, 2003

12:14 pm - Midsummer celebrations

so much for midsummer... we were planning a nice day out, my first chance to see everything that goes on first hand.

Its grey and raining loads, and has been since yesterday morning so we imagine the ground will be very soggy. Its just not worth trying when we know it will be so miserable.

Looks like I have to go to the supermarket instead.. what a letdown!!

Current Mood: disappointed

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May. 29th, 2003

09:28 pm - Long awaited update

I realise its been a long time but I've kind of been going through a lot of pain lately. Although absolutely wonderful in England it really made my leg pain much worse, so I haven't done much since then really.

I've also had stupid forms to complete for both English and Swedish disability benefits, they take a lot out of me. Its very hard to have to change focus and start thinking about all of the things I cannot do because of the RSD and the pain it causes.

We also had an appointment on yesterday to see an OB/Gyn because its now been a year of trying for a baby with no luck. (plus three well timed visits before I moved)
I'm going to be 35 this weekend too so I guess we have to get a move on if we are to get this much wanted baby.

Well I think our appointment went very well, even tho the Dr's English was slightly lacking.

He took history from both of us, and was very happy with my FertilityFriend temperature charting as clear evidence that I am ovulating.
He did pelvic exam and a vaginal ultrasound which looks perfectly normal. I could easily see the follicles on the ovaries, and the uterine lining developing.

The plan now is for a Laproscopy and HSG (dye test) at the same time, to be done any time in the next couple of months. I am worried about adhesions because of my surgery and appendix removal 14 years ago, something he couldn't see on the ultrasound.

Sweden is a huge pain in the summer because of long holidays.. it could be as late as late August before it is done!
But I have said I am available for cancellations too, so hopefully it will get done sooner.


I am having cycle day 22 bloods done to check progesterone levels just to confirm ovulation. And checking Prolactin at the same time, along with pre op bloods too.

Nic has to do a sperm analysis, but again the ridiculous summer holidays have messed that up, apparently the lab is now closed until Aug 5th.... sometimes I really hate life here.
The lab is also a 40 minute drive away from here so could be risky trying to get there within the hour, but he just said he will do it there, no hesitation. we have also discussed about the fact that we will happily take it all the way to IVF, and adoption if that ever failed. His only worry would be the effect of a twin pregnancy on me, something much more likely when Dr's start intervening. At least I know that whatever happens I will always end up with a caesarian, there is no way my leg and back would be up to the amount of pushing needed for a normal delivery. I love my man so much... I read of so many at fertility friend who have said no way to sperm tests and certainly no way to IVF etc.

I just have to keep reminding myself that it is free, and in England the waiting lists would of been about 6 months for an initial appointment, then probably just as long for the Lap.
Our referral was only sent at end of April, so I guess this is working much quicker for us.

I think I covered everything that happened, hopefully everything will be done soon... and perhaps the fear will scare my body into a positive before anything happens... lol

I figured this would make an interesting update here, and thought it would be one way to guarantee my sister saw it all, since we keep missing each other on MSN... I don't know where she is... hehe

Bye for now anyway, at least you all know I am still around.
I do keep posting comments to people on my list and I always read... I'm just a bit slow with updating my own journal.
_________________

Current Mood: accomplished

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Apr. 28th, 2003

12:40 pm - Visit to England...

I realise I am an infrequent poster here but I figured it would only be polite to let you all know I am definitely not around for the next 12 days or so.

We fly to England at 22.00 hrs tonight and are staying til 8th May, with another late night flight too.
We are just lunching and packing right now before we leave for the 4 or 5 hour trip down to Västerås airport. I don't think it will take anywhere near that long, it is 250km, but Nic's mom thinks we should leave lots of time. Usually they have driven us down, but I think I perhaps drive a little quicker... time will tell.
We have to be at the airport at around 8 tonight so a 3.30 leave should be perfect.

Usually I have a case that goes over the weight limit, but today we are struggling to fill Nic's.. I wish we had a middle sized case to take instead of the two large ones. Weird idea tho, at Christmas we had pressies and a VCR for my sister so the cases were bursting at the seams. This is too strange. :o)

Anyway I must go and get some food sorted, take good care of yourselves my friends, and I will be back in a couple of weeks.
Or perhaps once we have Internet access at my sisters place at the weekend I might pop in to catch up a little. Our first 4 days are at a holiday centre to join my sister and the children. Shame we won't get there til 02.30 or so, it means tomorrow could be a tough day too.

Bye for now everyone, hugs to all.
Have a wonderful couple of weeks, without too much dramatic occurrences I hope.

Love and hugs to all....
Tia xxx

Current Mood: busy

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Apr. 23rd, 2003

10:12 am - Survey from Lindis

I wanted just to do the couple of lines then link to this, but I don't know how to... :o(
Can someone tell me how to do it, and I am sure I can edit it later rather than have a huge message taking up space.
Thanks in advance.

Things about me, that you would probably never ask about, Now you know..... Thanks Lindis

1) Would you ever date someone younger than you?
Nic is 3 years and 2 weeks younger than me.

2) Someone Older:
Oldest boyfriend was 11 years older, about 6 years ago now.

3) Have you ever smoked weed:
No, but tried it for pain in cakes., just made me sleep tho.

4)Ever been drunk:
Yes.

5) Been in love:
Yes!

6) Loved someone who you knew you couldn't have:
Yes.

7) Gotten in a car accident:
I went in to back of someone at lights less than 6 weeks after I passed my test. I had injured by back and was taking diazepam but drove because I was moving house. I had a giant cookie on the back seat to thank a friend for helping and I figured I didn't want to break the cookie!! Only damaged by radiator, but made me more careful afterwards.

8.) Broken a bone:
Yes., in my wrist after roller skating when scared of further injuring my back.

9) Had your heart broken:
Yes

10) Cheated on someone:
Yes, when I was 18 and lived 70 miles away from first boyfriend..

11) Been cheated on:
Definitely twice, by first boyfriend and first guy I lived with.

12) Last time you said I love you to someone:
Last night, he is still sleeping

13) Last time you cried:
Yesterday, frustration that not pregnant again and stupid form filling rubbish

14) Last time you laughed:
Yesterday evening, watching comedies on TV

15) Where do you see yourself in 10 Years?
Hopefully with children, in a house rather than an apartment, and hopefully with pain better controlled than it is these days.

16) What age do you see yourself married at?
within next 5 years for sure.

17) Describe your dream wedding:
complicated now cos three parents in different countries to consider. Probably just the two of us with very close family, here in Sweden, with church blessing in England for my darling niece to be bridesmaid. Maybe part of honeymoon celebrations over in Iceland with Nic's father and sisters.

18.) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
No, just a cute guy and a very noisy cat sometimes.

20) If you could dye your hair one color what would it be:
Caramelly colour, like I do now, but a version that NEVER grows out :o)

21) Have you ever been skinny-dipping:
No

25) Do you eat chicken with fingers or with a fork?
With a fork.

26) Would you rather give or receive?
I am definitely a giver, I would much rather make someone else happy.

27) How many homes have you lived in?
Nine

28.) Do you play any instruments?
Nope, not a musical bone in my body

29) One pillow or two?
One for head, and one for under legs.

30) Do you get along with your parents?
father died when I was 25, strange relationship with mother, not very close at all. I think we are too different.

31) Favorite town to chill:
Söderhamn now

32) Do you drive?
Yes

33) What kind of car do you have?
Peugeot 307, a silver one got new back in October... my first ever new car!

34) Whats your favorite color(s):
Lilac, Blue, pale yellows

35) Do you work:
No. Cannot work because of RSD,, a neurological problem causing constant leg pain since 1993. (medically retired registered nurse. :o( )

36) Whats your favorite food:
Chips... the fries kind

37) Do you have braces:
No, but I did and crowns on my tooth front teeth after breaking them aged about 9. I am now almost finished getting one replaced with an implant and a new crown on the other.

38.) Stupid Stuff:
I'm scared of moths.
Raw eggs make me almost vomit, as does raw potato if it is supposed to be cooked.

39) How many guys/girls have you kissed:
How can I possibly remember how many guys after 20 years of kissing them. lol
Never kissed a girl tho, not intimately anyway

40) When was the last time you went on a date:
Depends what is classified as a date, we meet guys differently in Europe with much less formal dating.

41) Have you ever got in serious trouble?
No

42) Why is the sky blue:
To light up our world.

43) Who was your first crush:
On a wild older boy when I used to go roller skating aged around 14.. I can't even remember his name now.

44) Do you have a crush?
No.

45) Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Yes. A soulmate actually.

46) When you meet a person of your preferred sex, you first notice their:
Their smile I think, or certainly facial expression.

47) Are you the romantic type:
Yes, always. Nic was wonderful when we first met but typically now I don't get the wonderful letters or surprise gifts. Life is romantic in many more meaningful ways now. Him giving support seems much more important now.

48.) Have you ever been chased by Cops:
No, tho my friend was pulled over after I told her to turn right and it was a no right turn. The cop car was sat to the left of us and just watched, he figured it was a genuine error tho since she did the turn correctly. Thankfully she was let off since she was new to city.

49) What's your secret you never told anyone:
Like I'd tell everyone my secrets.... Seriously not sure I have any real spooks hiding in the closet.

50) Have you ever done drugs:
Only prescription ones that I am allowed to take to relieve this stupid pain.

Current Mood: cheerful

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Apr. 10th, 2003

12:21 pm - Weather problems again!

I think it is Autumn now, it certainly looks like it outside our window!!

What is going on with the world's weather right now, its not just Sweden, I keep reading about bizarre snowfall across the Atlantic too.
It is supposed to be Spring and all we keep getting it wind and snow and hailstones, I want to see the spring flowers and more of these beautiful blue skies that we seem to get for a few hours. This morning started wonderfully with the exception of the wind, but now it looks just about to rain or something.

We keep getting hints of it, but today I decided it was Autumn now instead, we jumped from summer to winter so quickly last year that I think it is making up for it now.

Perhaps one day it WILL be spring.!

*********************************************************************************************************

I am on a major sewing binge at the moment, I have done my kitchen curtains and now working on the living room ones. We haven't had living room curtains yet on this apartment because I couldn't bear the idea of putting up ugly brown speckled ones from Nic's old place.. lol

I got fabric months ago but was dreading having to sit with the sewing machine and the pain it would cause. But now I have realised I can sew on the coffee table quite comfortably, its much better than I imagined.
What happens once I finish these curtains tho... I will have nothing else left to snow.
Perhaps then I will have to do some major cross stitch catch up instead. :o)

Speaking of sewing I got a great fabric bargain at Jysk the other week. I was buying some wonderful lilacy / grey voile fabric and asked for 6 metes, plenty to go across our windows to match the decorative side curtains.
However when I got home to show Nic it seemed like very much fabric... the lady had put the remaining fabric from the fabric roll into my bag by accident. (not really a roll, more of a flat long thing with he fabric around)
Instead of 6 metes... I have just under 15!! a major bargain I think.. lol

Part of me thought I should return it but anyone I mentioned it to just agreed that I had a great bargain. I will have enough to maybe do something for the office room too now. Hehe

Bye for now , have a great Thursday everyone.

Current Mood: confused

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Apr. 5th, 2003

Mar. 31st, 2003

08:33 am - crazy spring weather...

I woke up to see snow this morning, and a temp drop of around 10 C... after two days of wonderful sunshine and almost 18 in the afternoons we are back to below zero.
Is this what spring in Sweden is going to be like?

I haven't been here at this time of year before, and have to say I'm shocked.
Personally I blame my friend who lives in town who told it not to dare to come here yesterday when she posted at Amerikanska.... grrrrrrrrrr
hehehe

I'm not sure its going to last very long thankfully, since the sunshine will soon melt it all away, it was still snowing 10 minutes ago and I can already here it melting from the windows.

Bye for now everyone.
Tia

Current Mood: amused

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Mar. 21st, 2003

01:59 pm - trying to conceive...

I have decided that I hate this trying to make a baby thing, it just doesn't want to work for us, and today I feel really sad and disheartened by it all.

I don't know for sure that I'm not pregnant this month, but my temperature has just dropped and a feel very sad, a sure sign that my period will probably arrive over the next couple of days.
We have been trying since I moved here really, but only charting since January, but now I know that I do Ovulate, but we just don't seem to be able to turn it into a baby.

I'm so worried about speaking to doctors here too, I just don't know where to start.. I don't have a family doctor, there weren't any available when I moved and I'm not sure it is any better now. The language thing is going to add to the stress too, although it could be okay since all the doctors I have seen about my RSD have spoken great English.

Does anyone know who we should speak to first, how we start to get help with this, I'd really appreciate some help on this one if possible. Thanks in advance.

Current Mood: disappointed

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